Prologue—13 Years Ago
Emily Martinez runs into my office in tears, holding a crumpled letter in her hands.
“Emily? What’s wrong?!” I ask, getting up from my desk.
“Gus!” she exclaims.
“What about Gus? What happened?” I begin thinking that he foolishly broke up with her.
“He—wrote a suicide note!” She manages to get out through her sobs. No, no, no. He can’t do this! I just got his name cleared! Thoughts begin to swirl in my head, and I know I must move quickly.
“Oh my God, where is he?”
“He’s going to Tennessee. Vince, we have to go!” I nod, quickly taking my jacket out of the closet beckoning her to follow me out of the office. A curious secretary named Anna regards me with a questioning look.
“Can you tell the partners I had a family emergency?” I ask her quickly.
“Of course, Mr. Marks” She says, rapidly typing on the keyboard of her desktop. I take Emily’s hand, almost jerking her towards the exit. We both jump into my car, and I look at her seriously.
“Tell me everything you know. Where in Tennessee? His childhood home?” I ask. She shakes her head.
“All I know about that place is that it’s in Gatlinburg! That’s all I know! Oh, Vince, how are we gonna find him in time?”
“We will get there in time” I answer, defiantly. I know exactly who to go to and rev my engine, speeding out of the parking deck.
“Where are we going?” She asks, sniffling.
“To the only person who will know where he is…” I drive out of the city onto the winding roads heading towards Connecticut.
I knew exactly why Gus was doing this, but I thought he would move past it. His mother made the whole world of Corporate America think that my best friend had embezzled money from the family company. He was blacklisted in six months, faster than I had ever seen any man go down. I had just received confirmation that it was indeed his asshole stepfather who was doing the embezzling. Senora Cruz, in all her evilness, sold out her son for a man. I was more than happy to confront her today. If Gus dies…it will take the power of God himself to keep me from killing her. This was all her fault.
I park in front of the humongous mansion and hop out of the car, with Emily following closely behind me. Using my anger, I pound on the door with all my might until the housekeeper answers.
“I need to see Senora Cruz now!” I tell her.
“She’s busy!” I don’t have time for this. I push past her, heading towards the den where the Senora likes to have her thousand cocktails a night.
“What are you doing here?!” She exclaims, standing up with a scowl.
“Both of you!” She regards Emily with a bitchy scowl.
“Where is the house in Gatlinburg?!” I ask, harshly.
“I don’t have to tell you shit, Vincent Marks.” I step right in front of her, the anger churning inside of me making my fists ball tightly.
“My best friend’s life is at stake you fucking bitch, now where is it?!”
“Get away from her!” A low voice growls, I turn around to see the bastard standing in front of me. I’ve finally had it…with her and him. I push him down to the ground, encircling his neck with my hands.
“You…asshole! You got this bitch to cover you by framing her own son?! If you don’t tell me where the fucking house is, you’re dead!”
“You can’t prove anything” he protests in a strangled voice. I tighten my grip around his neck.
“I’ve got the paperwork, bastard, now give me the information I want!”
“Go to hell!” I lose all control and punch him in the face as Senora Cruz and Emily look on in horror. I punch him a few more times before Senora Cruz finally brings me a piece of paper.
“Here! Here! Just take it!” She yells. I snatch the paper out of her hand and get off the floor.
“You both are going down, I promise you that!” I take Emily’s hand, pulling her behind me as I stalk out of the house.
I speed down the highway, praying that I get to him in time. He can’t end it like this! I was gonna clear his name, no matter what it took. He needed to be here so that he could move on with his life. Emily sobs uncontrollably in the passenger seat, holding the suicide letter to her heart.
“I promised…I promised I would be there for him! Why didn’t he take my word!?” She cries.
“Emily, Emily, this has never been about you. He’s been destroyed by his own mother, you know that now. Now, we just have to get there and fix this mess she made.”
“Why does she hate him so much?” Emily whispers. I sigh heavily.
“She’s hated the man since he was born because his father left her. He’s been in pain a long time from that woman and her bullshit.” That was an understatement. I met Gus in college. We were random roommates who didn’t get along at first. Over more than our share of a few drinks one night he told me about his mother: her abusive nature and eagerness to get rid of him. He had worked hard to be admitted to Harvard, so that he could be the best man he could be and show her that he didn’t need her in any capacity. I had invited him into my family, my parents took him in. We ended up becoming best friends, and it was all history from there.
Eleven grueling hours later, we arrive at the house. I see Gus’ car parked crookedly in the driveway. Praying to God that we made it in time, I run up the stairs to the porch and bang on the door.
“Gus! Open up!” I yell. All I can hear is loud obnoxious heavy metal music. I look at Emily who has a fear in her eyes that I’d never like to see again. There was a tint of hopelessness in her eyes that shatters my heart.
“The door’s old. Maybe I can kick it in.” I tell her.
“Do what you have to do…”she whispers. I stand back and give my hardest kick to the door which loosens it slightly. I don’t know how long I kicked, but it finally opens and stare in horror as my best friend stands on a chair with a rope around his neck.
“Gus! No!” I sprint to him, catching him before he jumps. With a loud sob, Emily brings me the switchblade she keeps in her purse and I quickly cut the rope from around his neck.
“Just let me die, Vince! Just let me fucking die!” He screams in anger. I can smell the strong scent of alcohol on him.
“Never, I’m not letting you die you fucker!” I growl at him. Once the rope is cut, he collapses in my arms.
“My God, Gus!” Emily runs over to us and I put my arms around both of them so thankful we got there in time.
“Your name is cleared, Man! It’s cleared! It’s over! That bitch will never ruin your life again.” I say, fighting to hold back tears of relief and desperation.
“Really?” Gus looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“Would I lie to you?” He looks over at Emily who has had a full breakdown.
“It’s true, Papi. Your mother lied. She lied and she’ll pay!” She exclaims.
“She will” I confirm. Gus begins to cry loudly.
“Oh, Baby!” Emily holds him tightly and I move away from them, so they can have their moment. I almost have to sit down. My adrenaline had been running for twelve hours, and I was suddenly tired. I plop down on the floor, putting my head in my hands. If I had been one second late…I would have seen my best friend hanging from the ceiling. The realization hits me hard. As I look at Emily cooing and comforting Gus, I want to blurt out that he needs to go ahead and marry the woman. They’ve been jerking each other around for months, but anyone could tell they were in love. I wanted that for him. He deserved a woman in his life that would give him the world, and she would gladly do it.
“How’s it going, Man?” I ask Gus through the screen of my computer.
“It’s going great! How about with you? I saw your quarterlies, you are killing it!” He exclaims. I chuckle.
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be able to do it without our new executive team. It’s a shame that more companies don’t take chances and hire the young ones.”
“Well, we know that, both of us started young.” I nod. Suddenly, I hear the shrill ringtone of his phone.
“Give me a second.” He answers the phone, and as I watch him through the screen, his face changes.
“Um…I don’t know if that’s a good idea” he says with a stutter. A look of curiosity crosses my face.
“Look, I’ll…call you back, okay? I’ll really have to think about it.” He hastily chokes out a “good-bye” and glares at me through the screen.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“You’re not gonna believe this.” He gazes at me through the screen.
“What? Tell me!”
“That was my older brother.” I raise my eyebrows. Gus hasn’t had any contact with his family in over a decade. His brother ran away from the wrath of their mother as soon as he turned seventeen and moved oversees to Portugal. They rarely talk.
“What did he want?”
“He says Senora called him. She’s getting old and realizes that she made mistakes with us…”
“So?”
“So, she wants us to have…Thanksgiving dinner.” He shudders visibly.
“Two years in prison might change a woman, don’t you think?” Senora had been charged with accompanying her husband in his embezzlement as well as framing Gus. She got off easy with a two-year sentence.
“Please, even prison can’t shake her as evil as she was.”
“Well, are you gonna do it?”
“That woman almost ruined my fucking life, I don’t know if I can be in the same neighborhood as her, let alone the same house.”
“Well, Gus, it has been thirteen years. Maybe she really is sorry.” Gus sighs, heavily, shaking his head.
“Emily will kill me.”
“She is your mother. Maybe you don’t have to go for Thanksgiving, but perhaps you do need to speak with her. You never got to confront her about what she did to you in the first place. Your brother ran all the way to Portugal. If he can stomach her, maybe you should consider it.”
“Maybe you’re right. I think Thanksgiving would be too overwhelming. Emily and I could meet her for dinner or something.”
“Coffee” I suggest. He laughs.
“Nah, if I’m gonna see her, I’ll need a cocktail.”
“Well, whatever you decide, I’ve got your back.” Gus laughs.
“That’s a given, man. I know.”
“We’ll talk later; I assume you have a long conversation ahead of you with Emily.” He nods.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” I click the “exit” button just in time to see my beautiful baby girl, Amelia run into my office.
“Daddy!” she squeals with a laugh, running towards me.
“There’s my princess.” I get up with a smile and pick her up, hugging her tightly. I carry her downstairs to the kitchen where I see Madeline sitting our son, Andrew in a chair.
“There you are!” She looks at Amelia.
“She snuck upstairs again…” I comment, sitting her in the kitchen chair.
“Always wants to see her daddy.” Madeline shakes her head with a smile before Mrs. Lovett brings the kids their afternoon snack.
“Hey, baby.” I plant a kiss on Madeline’s lips.
“Hey there! How was your day?” She asks once the twins are preoccupied with their crackers and juice.
“It was good. Got some surprising news from Gus, though.”
“Oh?” She says as she slips off her high heels.
“Yeah, apparently his mother wants to reconcile.” She pauses as her second shoe falls to the ground.
“You don’t say? What brought that on?” I shrug.
“She’s getting old and probably figures she doesn’t want to spend eternity in hell for what she’s done.” Madeline scoffs, pointing at the kids.
“It’s not the worst word they could repeat” I respond to her motherly overprotectiveness. She cuts her eyes at me.
“I’m gonna hop in the shower before dinner, think you can handle things down here?” She asks.
“Of course.”
“No cursing.” She gives me a smile before retreating up the stairs.
“Mommy!” Andrew gets out of his chair to follow her. I grab him mid-run.
“I want down!” He demands with a smile.
“You gonna sit and eat your snack?” I ask.
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Mommy…” He looks towards the stairs.
“She’ll be back.” He gazes at me for a second, then looks at his plate on the table.
“Snack!” he says, pointing at the plate. I sit him down at the table. Jesus, three-year-olds are the most indecisive people on the planet.
After dinner and bath time for the twins, both Madeline and I are exhausted. As we lay in the bed, I look over at her and she laughs.
“I know that look, Vincent Marks” she says. I roll on top of her, giving her a deep kiss. She looks at the clock.
“You know we have to be up at five, right?” She mentions.
“You’ll be alright…” I devour her neck, entering her slowly, eliciting that pleasurable moan from her that I love so much.
The next day, on my way to work, I receive a phone call from Emily. Well, I knew this was coming. I prepare myself to be cursed out left, right and sidewise…in English and Spanish before I answer.
“Hey, Kid” I answer.
“Don’t you ‘hey kid’ me!” She responds.
“Emily…before you get yourself worked up—”
“I’m already worked up! You remember what that cabrona did to Gus thirteen years ago! I can’t believe you suggested he meet with her!” I sigh.
“He told you that?”
“He wouldn’t consider it if you hadn’t!” she argues.
“Look, ultimately, it’s up to him. Do you really want Maria to grow up thinking that her grandmother never wanted to see her? Come on, we’re all getting older and so are our parents. If she really wants to reconcile with him, he should at least see what she’s about.”
“She never had his best interest at heart. Ever! Ten years of fucking therapy and you want him to see her?!”
“I never said I wanted anything, Emily. I know you’re still angry at her for what happened. Hell, I’m still angry at her. But let me just say that my mother was able to reconcile with her family after thirty-five years. Isn’t it at least worth a try? For Gus? Maybe for no other reason than he might get some closure after all of these years.” She huffs.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Vince. I don’t want him to get hurt again. I couldn’t go through that. Seeing him with that rope around his neck is still my worst nightmare…”
“Then tell him that. I’m sure he’ll hear you out, but you have to let him make his own decision.” She sniffles.
“Vince, you know…you know what happened…”
“I do, Emily. I relive it quite often.”
“Just please…if this bitch pulls something…”
“I’d be there in a heartbeat. You trust me, right?”
“Of course I do.”
“Keep me posted.”
“I will.” She hangs up, and I start to feel guilty. Gus never talked about that fateful night, and I knew he needed closure because he never confronted his mother after it happened. I just hope he makes the right decision for himself.
I arrive to an already busy office, and my secretary hands me a big pile of work before I can even take off my coat. There’s so much to do before we all take our much-needed holiday vacations. I know there will be a few late nights for both Madeline and me until the holidays start. Our babies scarcely see us during these busy months, but it’s worth it when we can take a week off for Thanksgiving and two weeks for Christmas.
As I’m busy looking at finance reports, my videoconference app pings on my computer. I answer it to see Gus’ tired face looking at me.
“Hey, Man, you okay?” I ask.
“Do I look that bad?”
“You’ve looked better.” He sighs.
“I was up all night trying to decide what to do.”
“And?”
“I’m gonna bite the bullet and meet her for lunch.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah, for now. Emily’s pissed.”
“I got an earful this morning.” He laughs.
“Try getting an earful in Spanish. She was talking so fast, I almost couldn’t understand her.”
“Can I really do this?”
“You can. It’s lunch. Just have Thomas on standby.” He nods.
“I’m meeting her tomorrow. Figured I needed a good night’s sleep before I saw her.”
“Yeah, you do. Let her do the talking. See what her angle is.”
“That’s gonna be hard.”
“I know, you like to run your mouth, but just see what she has to say first, and get the fuck outta there if anything seems sketchy.”
“I got this man!”
“I know you do. Let me know how it goes.”
“You’ll be the first. Ciao.” My screen goes blank. For his sake, I hope his mother wasn’t up to her old tricks. She had two years to sit in a cell and think about what she did. I only hope she was truly remorseful.
Later that evening, I come home to a frantic scene. Madeline is holding a crying Amelia while Mrs. Lovett keeps Andrew occupied.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, not even bothering to take off my coat.
“Amelia’s sick…” Madeline says with worry in her eyes. I reach for my baby girl, and Madeline hands her to me with a sigh. I kiss her forehead and notice that her skin is blazing hot.
“She’s got a fever!” I say. Madeline nods.
“Should we take her to the emergency room? The fever reducer isn’t helping.”
“Yes, we need to go now!” I look over at Mrs. Lovett with a silent plea.
“I’ve got everything under control here. You two take her.” Madeline follows me to the garage, pulling her coat over her shoulders.
Once we arrive at the Children’s hospital, I quickly go to the front desk where a bored receptionist is flipping through a magazine. She looks up at me and Amelia with a smile.
“May I help you?” She asks.
“My daughter has a fever…and fever reducer isn’t lowering it.”
“Oh my.” She gathers some papers and puts them on a clipboard. Madeline takes it from her as I give her Amelia’s name.
“Go ahead and try to do the paperwork, we’ll call you back ASAP” she says, giving Amelia a sympathetic look. I sit down, rocking my lethargic child as Madeline frantically tries to pull out her insurance card. Her hands are shaking rapidly as she rummages through her purse to get her wallet.
“It’ll be okay, Maddie…” I whisper to her. She nods, silently as someone comes through the door, calling Amelia’s name.
We sit silently as the doctor examines Amelia, both afraid of what the prognosis is.
“Well, the flu has been going around in a lot of daycares this season. I’m afraid that’s what it looks like.”
“Is it serious?” I ask.
“I can’t gauge it right now, but I recommend she stay overnight because of the high fever. We’ll get some fluids in her and try to get the fever down.” He calls a nurse in, telling her that he needs a room for Amelia. Madeline sighs heavily.
“I’m worried.”
“She’ll be fine, Maddie.” I am trying to be as strong as I can, even though it tears at my soul to see my baby girl lying on a hospital bed. I walk over to Amelia, who has sunken into a deep sleep. I stroke her damp curls. I hated seeing either of my kids sick, and this is the worst case we’ve had so far.
“I’ll go home and get some things for her and us. Do you want your laptop?”
“Yeah, and my work phone. I’ll stay here as long as I need to.” Madeline gets up and kisses Amelia on the forehead.
“She’s still burning up…”
“They’ll take care of her.”
“Call me if you need me, I’m gonna try to get back as fast as I can.”
“I will, take your time, Baby.” She leaves out as the nurses come in with a stretcher to move Amelia. I follow them solemnly to the elevator, hoping that Amelia stays asleep long enough to get to the room. She freaks out around strangers.
Thankfully, she is moved to her bed still sound asleep. However, when they put the IV in her arm, she wakes up with a scream. I run to the side of the bed to keep her from squirming while the nurses do their job. I give her words of comfort, trying to divert her attention away from the needles. Once the nurses are done with the IV’s and medicine, I breathe a sigh of relief.
A few hours later, Amelia is doped up on medicine and sleeping soundly. Thank goodness her fever has gone down. The nurses gave me permission to get in the bed with her, so I sit on the edge of her bed, holding her tiny hand in mine as Madeline gazes at both of us. There’s an exhaustion on her face that I haven’t seen since she had to travel to Japan for work.
“Maybe you should go home, Maddie…” She looks up at me, shaking her head.
“I’m fine, I’m not going anywhere until they tell us she’s okay.”
“You look tired…” She cuts her eyes at me.
“It’s been a long week” she snaps. I decide to leave her alone as she is not going to listen to anything I have to say until the doctor clears Amelia. I return my attention to my baby girl, who is sleeping soundly, hoping that everything will be alright soon.
Chapter 2—Senora Cruz
I walk into the dimly lit Cuban restaurant nervous as hell about seeing my mother for the first time in thirteen years. What the hell did I get myself into? Am I really ready to see her? What if this is just all a ploy to ruin my life like the last time? I greet the hostess, giving her my name so she can look up the reservation.
“Your other party hasn’t arrived yet, but we will be happy to bring them back when they get here” the hostess says with a smile.
“Thank you…” I say absently as she sits me down at a booth. I made sure to choose a well-populated spot during the reservation process.
“Would you like a drink while you wait for your party, Sir?” A young waiter approaches me.
“Uh..yeah, bottle of Pinot Grigio, please.”
“Certainly.” He disappears as quickly as he came.
Suddenly, the hostess appears with my mother behind her. She definitely does not look like she used to. Most of her black hair has faded into gray streaks, and her face looks drawn.
“Gustavo…” she says softly as she sits across from me.
“Senora, como estas?”
“Bien, gracias, mijo. I’m so happy that you decided to meet with me.”
“I’m not so sure if I should be happy, Senora. You caused quite a mess in my life.” She hangs her head.
“I know I have, and I’ve paid dearly for it.”
“Have you? Have you paid enough?” I ask as the waiter brings the bottle of wine to the table. She regards me silently as he corks the bottle and pours the wine into two glasses.
“Fill it up please…” I request, as I need a dose of liquid courage to deal with her for now. The waiter obliges me as he fills my glass to the top. When he leaves, her gray eyes burn into mine.
“I’m old and I have nothing left but you and Alejandro.”
“Alejandro ran away from you when he was seventeen, and I tried to stick around for you. You almost ruined my life! Tell me right now why I need to let you back in my life. I have a daughter, tell me why I should introduce you to her.”
“Mijo, I know you are angry with me. I know Alejandro is angry with me. I’m trying to make amends; can you at least see the effort I’m making?” I huff angrily.
“Any effort you’ve made has always ended in my demise. Again, I don’t know why you think I should let you back in my life.” She sighs.
“I want…” she starts.
“What? What do you want?”
“I want my family…” she begins to sob, and I take the wine, chugging it down. She’s done all of this before: the tears, the plea for sympathy. I’ve seen it as a child, a teen, and a man.
“I just can’t trust you right now. Not enough to sit down and have Thanksgiving with you.”
“I understand…can we at least work at it?” Can we? Hell, I don’t know.
“Maybe, Senora. Maybe.” At that moment, I am so relieved when the waiter returns to take our food order. This is some heavy shit. When the waiter leaves, I gaze into those sad, gray eyes.
“Can I at least see a picture of my granddaughter?” She asks, timidly. I think about it silently, and reluctantly pull out my phone to scroll through the many pictures of my daughter. I find one with all of us and hand the phone to her.
“Oh, mijo! She’s beautiful!”
“She looks like her mother…” I comment, wanting to see if Emily still strikes a nerve. Senora winces at the mentioning of my wife.
“If you really want a relationship with me, you have to be okay with all of it. You have been so nasty to Emily in the past. You’re gonna have to make amends with her as well.”
“You can’t expect me to immediately forgive her…” she says, quietly. I laugh at her statement.
“Forgive her? For what?!”
“For poisoning you against me.”
“Ay, Dios Mio! Are you serious right now?!” I all but yell.
“She turned you against me!” Her voice gets stronger.
“She didn’t do anything! You did it yourself! The only thing she did was made me come to terms with what happened when I was younger.” Her eyes grow wide at my statement.
“What happened that was so bad?” My heart aches that she thinks so little of the abuse I suffered as a child.
“You want to play that card? Let’s play it, then. You kicked me around until I was old enough to hit you back, do you remember that? Oh, how about that time you shoved my face in a plate because I wasn’t hungry? Did jail erase your memory, Senora?”
“There was nothing wrong with the way I disciplined you, Gustavo.” I lean my head back in frustration.
“You know what? Excuse me.” I get up from the table, frantically searching for the restroom. I burst through the door, thankful that it’s empty. I can’t hold it back anymore and start to sob uncontrollably. I need my wife, and I need her now. I fumble my phone out of my pocket and press her speed dial number.
“Papi?” She answers.
“Emily,” I whisper, “I need you here…” I sob quietly into the phone.
“What did that cabrona do to you?!” she asks, angrily.
“I just need you, will you come?” She sighs.
“Where are you?”
“Juan’s.”
“I’ll be there in about ten minutes, okay? Hang in there, Papi.”
“Yeah…” I hang up, and wash my face in the sink, trying to get myself together. Thankfully, when I return to the table, the food has come. Senora eats her meal silently, looking at me with hesitation.
“Emily will be joining us, shortly.”
“Oh?” she says with disinterest.
“Yeah…this is…a lot heavier than I thought it would be.” She puts her fork down.
“But you’re still here. Something tells me that you want what I want mijo.”
“Maybe I do, or maybe I just want closure. I have to stick around for that to happen.” Her expression softens.
“You will forgive me one day…” At that moment, I am so glad to see my wife coming towards us. She studies the expression on my face before turning towards my mother.
“Senora.” She regards my mother curtly before taking her place beside me and looping her arm through mine.
“Emily.” My mother’s look turns cold. It doesn’t faze Emily at all. She’s gone head to head with my mother before, and for some reason, she could turn to stone against my mother’s biting insults.
“What are you eating?” Emily asks me, softly.
“Vaca Frita…you want some?” She nods, taking my fork and scooping up some of the shredded beef. As she takes a bite, she gives my mother a hard stare.
“So, I guess I’ll come out with it,” she says after she swallows, “what do you want?” She asks Senora. Surprisingly, my mother seems to shrink at the question.
“I want my son back…” Senora answers.
“In what capacity? Do you understand the damage you’ve done to him?”
“What damage do you think I’ve done to him apart from the incident thirteen years ago?”
“Are you kidding me right now?!” Emily huffs in frustration.
“You stuck your nose where it didn’t belong, Emily. We never disclose what happens under our roof. Yet, you made him reveal our family’s business to strangers!”
“A therapist, Senora! Maybe you should try going to one as you obviously are fucked up in the head.”
“Emily…” I warn.
“I’ve never taken advice from a whore!” Emily rises, going for my mother’s throat. I grab her, sitting her back down in the booth.
“Don’t make a scene!” I hiss at her.
“Pendeja Bruja!” she belts out which makes our waiter stop in his tracks and a couple of others stare at our table. I put my head in my hands, very aware that someone in the paparazzi has probably seen us.
“Ladies! Can you please!” I stare at both of them.
“If you want your family back, this is the wrong way to go…” I tell Senora. She sighs heavily.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need some air.” She takes her cigarette case and heads towards the exit. Emily gazes at me with anger and sympathy in her eyes.
“Why are you still here? How can you deal with this?” She asks me.
“I can’t explain it. I need her to admit what she did…and what she let her husband do to me.” I push back the memory as far as I can, not even wanting to talk about that yet.
“It’s gonna take time for her to admit that. Are you ready to stick around for that long, Gus?”
“I need to, Emily. I need to. Don’t you think it’s time? Maria’s four years old, how am I ever gonna deal with raising a child if I can’t get this monkey off my back?”
“I understand, Papi. I just hate that your healing has to include her.”
“I do too, but I need you to do something for me.” I take her hand in mine.
“Anything.”
“I need you to be patient with her for now. For me, please.”
“I will try as hard as I can. She just…knows how to get under my skin.”
“She wants to get you worked up, she always has. Just don’t respond to it.” She takes a breath.
“I’m doing this for you because you think you need it. So, I will hold my tongue for now.” I give her a smile and kiss just as Senora sits back down in front of us.
“I apologize, Emily. Obviously, there are things that you and I need to work through in order for this process to go well.”
“I want you to work it out with your son, first. Then maybe we can work on that.” I almost think I see a hint of a smile on my mother’s face.
“So, that means you are going to forgive me, mijo?” She looks at me.
“I didn’t say that. Maybe one day, you will earn my forgiveness.”
“I will take it for now.”
“Your food’s getting cold…” I comment absently. This time she does smile and resumes eating her plate of seafood. I take a deep breath, still unsure if I can trust her. I guess only time will tell.
Emily and I finally arrive back home, both of us emotionally exhausted from the lunch meeting with Senora. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my little girl come running out of her playroom to greet us. She giggles playfully, hugging my legs.
“Mija…” I look down at my beautiful child, stroking her hair. When we found out that Emily was pregnant, I vowed that I would give her all the love I never got as a child. I will give this little girl the world, even if it kills me.
Later that evening, after Maria has gone to bed, Emily and I share a bottle of wine in the living room. Both of us have been quiet since lunch which is unusual as we regularly enjoyed speaking to each other. Emily finally breaks the silence.
“How are you feeling about all of this?” Her icy blue eyes burn into mine.
“Uncertain” I answer.
“Talk to me, Papi.”
“I just don’t know if I trust her or her intentions. She’s down on her luck right now. Who’s to say she won’t find some other guy to marry, and the same shit will happen again?”
“It’s very possible she will repeat the cycle, and I want you to be prepared for that. What…happens if she refuses to admit and apologize for what she did?”
“I guess I will have to come to terms with it, Emily. I don’t know how.” I finish what’s left in my glass and grab the bottle to pour more.
“Whatever happens, Gus, we will get through it. You have to believe that. You’ve come this far without her.” I look at her seriously.
“Emily, you know all that happened. Am I gonna have to stay in therapy forever?” It had taken years of therapy to stop the nightmares and cool my hellish temper. I was sick of it even though I needed it to stay sane.
“You might have to…would that be a bad thing?” she answers.
“I’m tired of putting band-aids on a broken leg. Especially when I know that she’s the cause of all this.”
“But you can’t make her do anything. Ultimately, it will be up to her, and we have no idea what she’s gonna do.”
“I get that, Emily, but I have to try.”
“And I’m here no matter what.”
“I know, mi amore.” I take her hand in mine. Emily and I have been through it all. I was so shocked that she stayed after I almost hung myself, but she was right there through the violent nightmares and my mood swings. I’d never be able to fully show her just how grateful I was that she stuck around. Suddenly, my phone rings, and I see Vince’s number show up on the caller ID. That’s strange, he usually never calls this time of night. I hope nothing’s wrong.
“Hey, Man, everything okay?” I answer. I hear him sigh heavily.
“Vince? What’s wrong, Man?”
“Amelia’s in the hospital, Gus.”
“What? Why? What’s the matter?”
“They initially thought it was the flu, but it’s pneumonia. I’m gonna have to take the week, work from the hospital.”
“Aw, jeez, man. Is there anything we can do?”
“Keep it outta the press. I don’t need them crowding the hospital.”
“Sure, I’ll call the team first thing in the morning. Anything else? Do you need us to take Andrew for awhile?”
“No, Mrs. Lovett has stepped in for now, and my mother is coming down soon. I just wanted to make sure I got to you before you heard it on Social Media.”
“How’s Madeline taking this?”
“Not well at all. I don’t know what to do. She’s angry one minute and crying the next. It’s so stressful!”
“Everything will be alright. Where is she?”
“At Children’s.”
“She’s in good hands, then.”
“The best…it’s just hard, Man.”
“I know. We’ve been through this before. Kids are resilient. She’ll get past it.”
“Here’s hoping. Keep us in your thoughts.”
“Always, and if you need us, we’ll be there, no question.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Emily looks at me curiously.
“Is something wrong?” She asks.
“Yeah, Amelia has pneumonia.”
“Oh, poor baby!”
“She’s been hospitalized.”
“She’s young, I can understand why. Do they need us?”
“He just wants us to make sure the paparazzo doesn’t get wind of it.”
“That’s easy, you want me to handle it?”
“Yeah, call the team in the morning. I don’t think anyone is gonna bother them tonight.”
“I can’t imagine what Madeline has been going through.”
“She’s taking it pretty hard, maybe you need to give her a call later.”
“I’ll call in the morning.” I finish my wine and look at my wife.
“I’ve invited my brother and his wife to come have dinner with us in a couple weeks.”
“Jesus, Gus! Are you trying to give yourself a mental breakdown?”
“I’ve never been mad at him. He always saved me from Senora when he could. He took a lot of beatings because of me.”
“It’s still gonna bring up painful memories, don’t you think?” I shake my head.
“I don’t think so, and I need to know what his motivation is for reconnecting with our mother.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”
“I think I am, Emily.”
“Then I will cook something good for them.”
“Gracias, mi amor.” She shakes her head at me.
“For better or worse, right?”
“Well, let’s hope with this situation, it’s better.”
“One can only hope.”
Chapter 3—Recovery
I happily carry my baby girl out of the hospital after a week of hell. She recovered nicely, and the doctor told us to keep her home from daycare for another week, so that her immune system can build back up. She hugs me tightly, probably as happy as I am that she’s out of that hospital bed.
I sent Madeline home as they almost hospitalized her for high blood pressure. She had worked herself up so much over the week that it finally started affecting her health. I finally had to call her friend and doctor, Megan to get her to go home and rest.
Once we get to the house, both Mrs. Lovett and Faith meet me at the door.
“Oh, there she is! Welcome home, sweet pea!” Mrs. Lovett reaches for Amelia, and I hand the giggling girl to her.
“Mrs. Lovett, where’s Madeline?” I ask.
“She’s upstairs. Why don’t you check on her, and I’ll keep the children occupied?” I nod, knowing what that means.
I go upstairs to our bedroom where I see Madeline flipping through channels on the TV. She looks exhausted.
“Hey, Baby…” I go to her side of the bed and sit next to her.
“Hey…” She manages to squeak out before breaking down in sobs.
“Oh, Maddie.” I put my arms around her, hugging her tightly as she sobs into my chest.
“It’s over now, okay? Amelia’s fine. You almost worried yourself into the grave.”
“I know…” she sniffles, looking up at me. I wipe her tears tenderly, and she reaches up to touch my face.
“You need to shave…” she comments. I laugh.
“Among other things.” I had been at the hospital the whole week, only leaving when Madeline made me go home. I still worked knowing that we were about to be on a holiday break, and even though I would spend a lot of that time working from home, I couldn’t afford to get behind.
“I thanked Gus for keeping the press away. If they would have shown up, I think I would have lost it.”
“Well, he always takes care of us.” I come to the sudden realization. I never asked him about the meeting with his mom!
“Damnit…” I say to myself.
“What?”
“I forgot to ask him how it went with his mom.”
“I’m sure he understands.”
“Yeah, I just feel bad that I forgot.”
“Stop. First of all, when is the last time you ate? You need to shower and get some rest.”
“I’m fine. You’re the one I’m worried about.”
“I’ll be okay. My blood pressure is back down, and Megan said I just needed to slow it down. Now please, go get something to eat, shower and come to bed.”
“Okay, okay, Boss Lady.” I kiss her cheek, and I see her smile for the first time in a week.
“Come back to me…” she says.
“I promise.” I head downstairs to find food and check on the kids.
Later that night after a much-needed shower and nap, I sit in my office to call Gus.
“Hey!” Gus answers.
“How’s it going?”
“Oh, you know. It’s the holiday season, so busy for advertising and PR.”
“I never asked how it went with Senora.” He sighs heavily.
“It’s been a trip, Man.”
“How so?”
“She just brings up all of this emotion in me. She didn’t even want to admit to what she’s done.”
“Sounds like the same old woman.”
“I have to keep her around until she admits it.”
“Why?” He sighs again.
“Vince…” he hesitates.
“What, Gus?”
“There’s a part of my childhood I never told you about.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Yes, I believe I do. I’m about to embark on this process, and I can’t do it alone. I need my family…all of you to understand why I have to do this.”
“I’m listening.”
“Senora wasn’t the only one who abused me…”
“Who else did something to you?”
“My stepfather. I was his punching bag. For years. From the time I was five until fifteen. She’d beat me and then he’d beat me some more. Or he would be drunk and think it was funny to push me down the stairs. I broke my arm three times.” My heart clenches in my chest, and I can’t speak. I never knew about this; had I known, I would have killed his stepfather that day thirteen years ago. I’m hurt and angry for my best friend.
“I know it’s hard to hear. Only Emily and my therapist know as of now.” He responds to my shocked silence, and I finally find my voice.
“Gus, I’m so sorry…I wish you would have told me sooner…”
“I was ashamed. For a long time, I felt emasculated, which is why I was so angry when I finally started college.”
“I remember. I just want you to promise me something, Gus.” I start to grow worried about my best friend. Re-hashing things with his mom might be the thing that takes him back to his dark place.
“If you start having nightmares again…” When I say ‘nightmares’, I don’t mean wake up in cold sweat type nightmares. Gus had extremely violent nightmares, and if you were anywhere near him, you might get punched in the face. He had been trying to fight back all his life, and I hoped this time, he’d get the fight he deserved.
“I already know, I’m gonna have to kick myself out of my bedroom until it gets better. I have meds, so hopefully that won’t be the case.”
“If you feel like you’re sliding backwards, please call me.”
“Vince, I think I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t care what you think. I’m putting the offer on the table.” He grows silent before I hear a sob escape him.
“It’s so hard…to live like this. You have no idea.”
“I have some idea. I lived with you, remember?”
“I know…she just…makes me so angry! And I know I need this. Why do I let her get to me? I’ve been through everything, why can’t I shake her?”
“Because you spent all of your life defending yourself from her…and your stepdad. But Gus, if she never admits it and never apologizes, you have to promise me you will be okay.”
“I’m gonna try. That’s all I can promise.”
“I’ll be here, and you know the guys will be there for you, too.”
“I know…part of me is hoping that meeting with Alejandro will help.” I raise my eyebrows.
“You brother, Alejandro?”
“Yeah, he has actually decided to attend her Thanksgiving dinner, so he and his wife, Inez are flying in from Portugal.”
“You’re going to this dinner?” I start to grow more worried.
“No, I decided I’m not ready for family gatherings, but I invited him and his wife for dinner.”
“How do you feel about him…making amends with her?”
“I figure he got enough distance, and Inez probably forced him to. I want to get to know my brother again.”
“Be careful, Gus…with everything.”
“I’m not gonna lie, Man. I’m terrified, but this is a process I’m willing to go through.”
“I’m with you, no matter what.”
“I appreciate it. I’ll get through this one way or another.”
“You will.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Take care, Gus.”
“You too.” I hang up with a host of uncertainty in my heart about this situation. I know he has to make his own decision about this situation, but it terrifies me that he wants to dive so deep into it. I couldn’t go through another suicide attempt, it would damn near kill me. It would damn near kill Emily. I try to shake my fear, but I have a bad feeling about all of this. I heave a sigh and decide to check on the kids. I look in on sleeping Amelia and still hear light wheezing in her breathing which the doctor says will be normal, but I still check her forehead which is cool to the touch.
I then check on Andrew, who is sleeping wildly in his bed. Poor kid, he hasn’t seen either of us very much this week. He seemed to be understanding, and always asked when his “sissy” was coming home. I was very surprised he hadn’t fallen ill himself, but he seems fine so far. I pull the covers over him and retreat to the bedroom where Madeline has turned our bed into an office.
“You never stop working,” I comment. She shakes her head.
“I’m just finishing my review of some of the reports. Then I can relax until after Christmas.” I nod in agreement, taking off my t-shirt.
“You’re stressed, what’s wrong?” She studies my face.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Yeah, it kind of is.” I sit next to her on the bed.
“I’m a little worried about Gus.”
“Why? Did it not go well with his mother?”
“He wants to push her to admit what she did to him.”
“That’s a little dangerous, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it’s very dangerous. I don’t know what her motive is. I just don’t want a repeat of all the shit he went through before.”
“Well, hopefully he’s in a better place to deal with it.”
The next day, I work in my home office while Amelia and Andrew play quietly on the floor. We decided that if Amelia had to stay home, Andrew might as well stay home too. Since it was the week before Thanksgiving, I told Madeline I would work from home and watch the kids so that Mrs. Lovett could work on getting our home prepared for our families to visit for Christmas.
Suddenly, my phone rings and I pick it up, looking at the screen. The caller ID says “Private” which is strange. I answer anyway in case it’s a business prospect.
“Vincent Marks” I answer.
“Vincent…” I hear the voice that makes my blood curdle.
“Senora?”
“Yes, I hope you don’t mind me calling.”
“How did you even get my number?”
“I called your company…”
“Pretending to be someone you’re not?” I ask defiantly. She was already up to her old tricks.
“Listen, I know you hate me…”
“Hate is an understatement.” The other end grows silent.
“What can I do to prove that I really want to make amends?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know if I will ever trust you, or that Gus will, but let me give you some advice. You need to come to terms with what you did to him when he was a child. I know you’re in denial about it, but I want you to think back to the hell you put that man through for twenty years. Maybe then, you can prove that you want to make amends. I wish you all the best, but don’t call me again.” I hang up, not wanting to tell her what I really wanted to say in front of the kids. I steady myself with a few breaths as I peek around the computer to make sure the children are alright. They both are playing happily with Faith. As I watch them, so innocent, I couldn’t imagine ever harming them. How in the hell could that woman justify hurting her children? No one deserved that, not Gus, not Alejandro.
That evening, I can’t shake the feeling of disgust I’ve felt all day after speaking with Senora. After we put the kids to bed, I go downstairs and pour myself a glass of whiskey.
“The hard stuff tonight?” Madeline asks as she retrieves a wine glass from the cabinet.
“Yeah, I need it.”
“Something happen with the job today or are you just not used to the stay-at-home dad role?” She pours a healthy serving of wine in her glass and joins me at the kitchen table.
“The kids are fine, and work is fine…I got a call from Senora today.” She pauses mid-sip.
“Really?” I nod.
“What did she say to you?”
“I think she was trying to use me. I guess she thinks I could convince Gus to reconcile with her. It’s not happening. He has to do it on his own.”
“Did she sound sincere?” Madeline gazes at me with curiosity.
“Right off the bat I didn’t trust her. I know she deceived someone to get my number. Now I’m even more worried about Gus.” Madeline puts a hand on my arm.
“You’re gonna be angry at me, but I’m gonna say it anyway. Maybe it’s best that you separate yourself from this.”
“I can’t, Maddie.”
“I’m not saying that you can’t be supportive, but you do need distance from this. She sounds extremely dangerous. We have kids, Vince. You can’t be as involved as you once were. Gus is going to have to make his own decision about this. Even Emily can’t tell him what to do. This is his battle to fight, and you’re going to have to let him fight it by himself.” I groan in frustration.
“I can’t do that!”
“You have to.” I close my eyes, and visions of Gus with that rope around his neck plague me.
“Vince…I know you struggle with that memory.” She squeezes my arm.
“I couldn’t do it again…I don’t ever want to see that in my life…ever.”
“Who’s to say that will even happen? Gus is a strong man. He can wipe anyone out with one phone call. Do you really think he will go down that path again?” She’s probably right, but the fear is still in the depths of my mind.
“Maybe you need to talk about this in therapy…” she mentions cautiously.
“This happened way before you—”
“I know, I think you should have a solo session with Dr. Wilder.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’ve been reliving this since Gus told me his brother called. I just want there to be a means to an end.”
“Time will only tell.”
After we’ve both finished our nightly drinks, I hold Madeline close in our bed. Just as we start to fall asleep to the sounds of a thunderstorm, I notice the bedroom door opening. Both of the children look at us with puppy dog eyes. I’m assuming they’re afraid of the storm.
“Tunder!” Amelia says frightfully.
“Come on guys…” Madeline pulls back the covers and both of them come running, jumping on our bed. We put them both in the middle where they instantly fall asleep. I chuckle at the sight of them in between us.
“Well, that didn’t take much…” I comment.
“Not at all…” Madeline whispers, kissing each of their faces.
I arrive at my shared apartment with Gus after Thanksgiving break, and I notice his bag sitting by the couch.
“Gus!” I shout and hear no response. I set down my bags and go to his room where I see him counting pills on his nightstand.
“Gus? What are you doing?”
“Nothing, Man, just get outta here!” He looks up, and I immediately notice his black eye.
“What happened?” His hands begin to shake.
“I don’t want to talk about it!” I grab his hand and the pills spill on the floor.
“Chill out, Man!”
“Naw. You’re gonna talk to me. What happened to you?” He looks at me with tears in his eyes.
“I shouldn’t have gone home for Thanksgiving. I knew it would be a fight. It always is.”
“Who did this to you?” He runs a hand through his hair.
“My mother…” I can’t even begin to comprehend it.
“Your mother did this to you?”
“Yeah, Senora Cruz.”
“This isn’t okay, Man. Did you call the police?”
“Fuck no! I just want to graduate, get the hell outta here and start my life. Forget them all.”
“Well, you’re not gonna graduate if you swallow all of those pills. You gonna change your mind?” He looks down at the pills and back at me.
“Yeah…”
“Come on, let’s get a beer.” He sighs heavily, scooping up the pills and putting them back in the bottle. For the first time, he gives me a trusting look.
“Okay…”
I wake up with a gasp, looking over to see Madeline and the kids fast asleep. I had forgotten about Gus’ first attempt at suicide because of his mother. As much as Madeline wants me to, I can’t let him be alone in this. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of that woman.
Chapter 4-El Hermano y El Padre
Emily pours red cooking wine in the pressure cooker with a beef roast dressed in potatoes. I was nervous as hell. Tonight, my brother and his wife are having dinner at our place. I hadn’t seen him in twenty-five years, and we rarely talked since he moved to Portugal. I guess when he wanted to leave everything behind, he really did. I chug the glass of wine in my hand.
“Gus, slow down! Everything will be fine!” Emily scolds as she puts the lid on the roast.
“I’m nervous…”
“I know, but I have a good feeling about this. Now take this bottle of wine to the dining room and stay out of the bottle!” She hands me the bottle of Pinot Noir and I hastily obey her orders. Suddenly, my phone rings.
“I’m bringing you brother and his wife in now” Thomas, my security detail says when I answer.
“Thank you, Thomas.” I hang up and tell Emily that they are close.
“Perfect timing!” She exclaims as she straightens her hair and calls for Maria who comes running.
“You ready to meet your uncle and aunt?” I ask her.
“Yes!” she says.
“What are their names?” Emily quizzes her.
“Alejandro and Inez” Maria answers expertly.
“Very good!” I respond.
Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. I take a deep breath, looking at Emily with anxiety.
“We’ll greet them together, okay?” She loops her arm through mine, and the three of us go to the door. I open it and am in shock from what I see. Alejandro looks almost identical to our dad. I had forgotten just how much he looked like him. He gives me a wide grin.
“Gustavo! Mi hermano!” He pulls me into a bear hug which startles me. I suddenly realize how much I missed him and return his hug.
“It’s good to see you Alejandro…” I say, quietly. He looks at me.
“I am proud of you. Don’t think I haven’t been following your career.” He pulls his wife, a tall, black-haired beauty, next to him.
“This is Inez…” She gives me a huge smile and laugh, hugging me with just as much strength as my brother. She was warm and friendly. I return their enthused smiles and introduce Emily and Maria. Of course, Maria steals the show, asking them if they like her dress. We all laugh as Inez gets down to her level to tell her how beautiful she is.
“Let’s go sit down, eh? Alejandro, tequila?”
“Now you’re talking my language!” We all settle in the living room, and I pour tequila for Alejandro, Inez and Emily. I sit next to Emily and she grabs my hand while Maria gets in my lap.
“It’s been a long time…” I gaze at my brother.
“It has. I’ve missed you, Gus.”
“I’ve missed you as well.”
“You have such a beautiful family…” Inez comments.
“Thank you” Emily and I say in unison. We make small talk before Emily leaves us to prepare the dining room table.
“Is it possible to speak with you privately after dinner?” Alejandro asks me. His look turns from friendly to deathly serious.
“Of course, we can go to my office.” He nods, taking a final sip of his tequila. All through dinner I wonder what he wants to speak with me about. I hope that the real reason he’s here is not because he thinks Senora is up to her old tricks.
After dinner, I pour Alejandro and myself more tequila and we head to the office. Emily grabs my hand as we head towards the office.
“I’m here if you need me…” she whispers. I nod and lead Alejandro to the office.
Once we sit down, Alejandro gazes at me through my dad’s green eyes.
“Why are you here?” I ask him with honesty.
“I was waiting for that question.”
“Are you going to tell me?” He takes a deep breath.
“Senora called me last month. Asked me to come home. I asked ‘why’, and she said that she had thrown away all the family she had…you and me. I was reluctant, of course.”
“After all these years, you just forgave her?”
“Are you kidding me? I didn’t come here to forgive her!”
“Then what are you doing here?” He sighs, looking down in his glass.
“I felt guilty about what happened…with you and her. I ran away like a coward…I left you. You could have been dead…and I left you.” His eyes reflect sadness.
“I never blamed you for leaving. I was sad, wished you would have taken me with you. This was never your fault.”
“It was. I abandoned you. I didn’t want to confirm I was coming here until I took care of something.” He pulls out his phone and clicks on it a couple times before handing it to me. I look at the picture in shock and awe. It’s our father. He was older, but I couldn’t deny that was him. It was almost eerie how Alejandro looked exactly like him.
“I found him, and I think the only way we are all going to heal is if you and I and he go to this Thanksgiving dinner.” Oh God, could I handle that?
“You’re going to ambush Senora?”
“So to speak. This man is the reason she took out her anger on us. It’s time for him to tell her face-to-face why he left, and it’s time for us to confront her about how she treated us.”
“Oh, Alejandro, I don’t know if I can do that.”
“It’s up to you, mi hermano. But I have a feeling you need this. I saw it in your face when you opened the door. Don’t you want to be done with her for once and for all?” Did I? Or did I desperately want a relationship with the mother that never loved me?
“I don’t know, Alejandro.” He gives me a sympathetic look.
“You always wanted her to love you, with every fiber of your being. I felt bad for you. I’d always accepted the woman would never love me.”
“I know you did.”
“Gus…you have a beautiful wife and a little girl who looks at you with more admiration than I’ve ever seen when someone looks at their dad. You don’t need her to love you anymore. You’re not that lonely child who had to explain away his bumps, bruises and broken bones. What do you need to believe that?” Emotion suddenly overcomes me, and I start to sob. Alejandro sits his glass on my desk, looking on silently as I sob uncontrollably. I had been holding in all of my emotions for the past thirty years and finally realize that I did blame him for the hell I’ve been through.
“I needed my brother…” I say through my tears.
“Ay Dios…” he sighs.
“I needed you and you left me! You left me with her and that evil husband of hers! He beat me, mercilessly! Threw me down the stairs!” I continue to cry, unable to stop.
“Lo ciento…I am so, so sorry.” He rounds the desk and hugs me tightly.
“You left me…” I sob.
“I was selfish. I would have killed that woman myself if I’d known what happened after I left. That’s why we have to do this Gus. She has to be confronted with her past. She’ll never learn otherwise.” I nod, and he hands me my glass of tequila. Finally pulling myself together after my emotional exorcism, I look at him with my decision.
“I don’t want my family involved in this.”
“I understand. It can just be us.”
“What about Inez?”
“Inez has family here. I’ll send her off with them.” I look up at my older brother, feeling like one of the weights that have been on my back for so long has finally lifted. He sits back down in front of me.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…” I take my handkerchief, wiping my face.
“You needed that release. Something tells me you’ve been holding on to that for years.”
“I guess not even ten years of therapy could give me that.”
“Sometimes you have to confront the issue head on.”
“I guess so.”
“We’ll get through this. Inez and I will be here through the holidays. One thing I do know is that I don’t want anymore distance between us. You’re my kid brother.”
“Some kid.” We both laugh.
The night before Thanksgiving, I toss and turn harshly.
“Papi! Papi! I’m gonna have to sleep on the couch if you can’t relax!” Emily scolds me.
“I can’t sleep…” I look over at her. She climbs on top of me, kissing my neck.
“Relax. Worst case scenario, she’ll throw you all out.” I scoff.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“If she does, you need to be done with that Bruja, for once and for all. Understood?”
“I have no choice, do I?”
“No, you don’t. You’ve reconnected with your brother. Is that gonna be enough for you if she refuses to admit what she’s done and apologize?”
“It will have to be.”
“Good, now go to sleep and don’t worry.” She rolls over to her side of the bed and I pull her back, making her squeal.
“Gus…” she scolds.
“You can’t climb on top of me and expect me not to do anything about it” I protest, bringing her back on top of me.
“We have to be quiet…” she whispers with a smile.
“My lips are sealed.” She giggles, tracing her fingertips down my stomach.
The next evening, I am a nervous wreck as Alejandro and I go to meet our father. It was the first time I will see my father in thirty years. I don’t know how I will react when I see him.
“Everything is gonna be fine, Gus. Estara bien.” Alejandro assures me as we pull up to the hotel. I feel a lump in my throat as the tall figure walks out of the automatic doors. I get out of the car, looking at the face of the man I never really knew. He stops in front of me gauging my reaction.
“Gustavo…” he says, quietly. I can’t believe I’m looking my father right now. I don’t know whether to hug him or punch him. He puts his hands on my shoulders and I flinch. He seems disturbed that I am startled at his touch.
“What’s wrong, mijo?” A shaky breath escapes me.
“Don’t call me mijo…” I manage to belt out.
“I know you’re angry at me, and I want you to understand why I left.”
“Not now, you can explain to me in the car.” I open the car door for him, still not knowing how to feel. Alejandro sits in the front while he leaves me to face our father alone in the back.
“Gus…” My father says gently.
“You owe me…” I respond quietly.
“What?” He looks confused.
“You…owe…me” I say through gritted teeth. He sighs.
“I owe you a lot, my son.”
“Just tell me why?! Why?! Why?!” He touches my arm.
“I couldn’t tolerate it anymore…your mother, she almost ruined my business with her meddling. I had to leave or she would have brought me down.” I look over at him with a scoff.
“So instead, you leave your two sons with an unstable, abusive woman?”
“She wasn’t abusive when I was around…I guess she thought she was punishing me by hurting you two.” I laugh incredulously.
“You know for two people who are over twenty years older than both me and Alejandro, you and Senora are the most selfish people I’ve ever known, and I worked on fucking Wall Street.”
“I deserve that.”
“Yeah, you deserve that and a punch in the gut! Do you even know what she did to us?” He looks down.
“Alejandro has told me. All I can say is that I can’t change the past. All we can do is move forward.”
“Do I get an apology at all? For all the shit that has fucked me up for thirty years?” He takes my hand.
“I feel that I will never be sorry enough, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for abandoning you and your brother. I wasn’t the father I needed to be, and you never deserved that.” I close my eyes in pain. Those words mattered more to me than anything else right now.
Just as I begin to slightly calm down, we reach the humble abode belonging to Senora Cruz. As the car stops, I pray this will be the last time I will have to deal with family skeletons. This had been going on for a month, and I was emotionally tired.
“Let’s do this…” Alejandro hops out of the car and I reluctantly climb out, following him as our father trails behind us. Everything seems to happen in slow motion after Alejandro rings the bell. The door opens, and there she is, almost looking like a normal woman.
“My sons!” She exclaims upon seeing my brother and me, but her face falls when her eyes settle on my father.
“Lucas?” The expression on her face is one of astonishment.
“Camila…” My dad responds coldly.
“What is going on?” She asks Alejandro.
“Let’s go inside, I know you cooked” Alejandro answers coolly. She seems so shocked that she can barely comprehend what he’s said.
“Um…yes, come in.” She leads us to the homely dining room that she attempted to make nice with cheap place settings and candles. I’m surprised that had it not been for us, she would have been alone. Senora was never alone…not that I ever knew of. The sight is humbling for me, and I start to feel guilty for going along with Alejandro’s plan.
We sit at the table and she serves us each a glass of wine.
“So, up to your tricks are you, Alejandro?” she looks at my brother as she takes her place at the head of the table.
“Tricks? No, Madre.” She gasps at him calling her “mother” as she always instructed us to call her Senora. I think it was her way of distancing herself from being a parent.
“Camila, I’m here to settle this score” my father speaks up.
“What score?”
“You know damn well what score. Look at me!” He commands, and she cautiously lifts her eyes to look into his face.
“I didn’t leave you because of the children, Camila! I left because you almost ruined my business! Why in hell would you take it out on them all of these years?! Huh?!” His voice sounds harsh and unforgiving.
“I didn’t do anything to them you wouldn’t have done, Lucas!” She argues. His expression turns to one of rage.
“I never put a hand on these boys! What is wrong with you?!” She starts to falter.
“I…I didn’t do anything wrong!” She exclaims.
“You didn’t do anything wrong?” Alejandro blurts out, looking at me.
“I didn’t!”
“How about throwing things at us when we weren’t doing our chores fast enough? What about you letting your husband beat my younger brother to a pulp?! You weren’t doing anything wrong?! Woman, I resent the hell out of you. You were never a real mother! You never wanted to be one, and you punished us because you created children with him!” Alejandro breathes in sharply. Senora looks down.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Madre, huh?! You ruined my life and almost took his!” He points at me. I’m silent. I don’t know what to say to her.
“Is that how you feel, mijo?” She gazes at me with a plea for sympathy in her eyes. As conflicted as I am about the whole process, I finally lash out at her.
“How do you think I feel? You thought of any and every way to hurt me when I was a kid. You let your husband use me as a punching bag, and then, that’s not even the best part. You let that cabron convince you to frame me for embezzling money out of his business without blinking an eyelash! Do you think that’s the kind of woman I want around my daughter? A vindictive bruja?!” She starts to breathe heavily.
“Think, Mom, think! Remember all of the shit you did to me and just admit it!” I exclaim. She looks at me, unable to speak.
“Camila… Tienes que admitirlo” My father says. She breathes heavily glancing from me to Alejandro.
“Okay! I admit it! I wasn’t a mother! I was a monster!” She starts to sob.
“You were, and now it is time to apologize for what you’ve done. If you really want your family back, this is where you have to start” Alenjandro says as she cries.
“I’m sorry! Lo ciento! Lo ciento mis hijos! I just want my family!” She gets down on her knees in front of me.
“Perdoname! Forgive me! Forgive me! Ay Dios! Forgive me, Gustavo! Forgive me Alejandro!” She breaks down on the floor, and I feel the tension rise in my throat. Could I really forgive her? After all of these years, was she ready to be a part of my life? No, she wasn’t ready, but I could forgive her. I take her face in my hands.
“Te perdono, Madre. Te perdono.” She rocks back and forth, finally looking into my eyes.
“You forgive me?”
“I forgive you.” I had waited my whole life to hear her ask for my forgiveness, and I look at my brother, my father and immediately release that pain in a fit of sobs. Alejandro instantly hugs me.
“It’s okay, Gus…” he whispers.
“All I ever wanted from you was an apology!” I look at both of my parents who both hang their heads. I don’t need them to be in my life…all I ever needed them to do was acknowledge what they did to us. I had a successful business without either one of them, a beautiful wife, and an adorable baby girl. I didn’t need them.
“We’re going.” Alejandro helps me out of my chair, and we leave our mother and father alone to deal with themselves.
On the silent ride home, I start to feel like a new man. I had stood up to both my mother and father, a moment I had dreamed of for decades. For the first time in my whole life, I felt alright with how things were. I didn’t even feel guilty for not initiating a relationship with either of them. They both needed to get past their selfishness, and that process didn’t require me or Alejandro.
Chapter 5—The Christmas Party
Madeline and I arrive at the hotel for Gus’ annual Christmas party. I was surprised he had it this year; he had been through so much in the past through these few months. However, he said he needed a break from everything and was ready to get drunk and party with us. Naturally, all of us were happy to find babysitters and oblige them.
“Hey, you guys!” Emily greets us both with hugs.
“You’re looking…bright…” Madeline gives her a suspicious look.
“Oh, girl, you’re crazy.” Emily dismisses Madeline’s assumption rather quickly.
“Where’s Gus?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s over by the bar, why don’t you go find him and bring us back some drinks! We’ll go mingle…” Emily loops her arm through Madeline’s with a smile and they head towards the swarm of ladies on the other side of the ballroom.
I head towards the bar where I see Gus having a drink and shooting the breeze with the guys.
“Vince! What’s up, bro?” Ryan shakes my hand.
“Not much, Man.” I greet everyone else and Gus unexpectedly pulls me into a hug.
“Thank you, for everything” he says.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You listened, gave advice. You did what a friend was supposed to do.” I chuckle.
“Well, that’s kinda what you have to do when you’ve been friends for years.”
“Cheers to that, Man, hey where’s your drink?” My friend, Kendall, inquires.
“I don’t have one yet.”
“Well, let’s fix that! Let’s get a whiskey on the rocks for our man here” Gus tells the bartender who nods.
“Anything else?” She asks.
“Yeah two Stoli cranberries” I answer, remembering the command from Emily.
“You gonna drink all that?” Ryan asks, eyebrows raised. I shake my head.
“For the ladies…”
While I wait for the drinks, Gus brings forward a guy I’ve never seen who regards me with a smile much like his. No doubt this was his brother.
“Vince, I’d like you to meet my brother, Alejandro.”
“Aw, man! It’s great to meet you!” I shake his hand. He has a friendly demeanor with a little hint of sadness in his eyes. I always noticed that sadness in Gus’ eyes too when we first met. It faded over the years, especially after he married Emily.
“Likewise. I hear you’re the man who’s taken care of my brother all these years. I want to thank you for accepting him into your family…when he had no one else.”
“No thanks necessary.” Gus beams at both of us.
As we get settled at our tables, a jazz band starts to play Christmas music on the stage and Madeline gives me that look.
“Finish your drink, let’s dance.” I nod, finishing the last of the amber liquid in my glass. I take her hand, gliding her onto the dance floor.
“I’m glad Gus had the party…” she comments thoughtfully before I twirl her around, bringing her back to me.
“Are you?” I ask.
“Yeah, I know it’s been tough. I’m glad that you didn’t have to get too involved, though.”
“Why is that?”
“I think in order for him to heal, he had to confront it by himself. He did, and I’m proud of him for handling it with graciousness.”
“Well, maybe you were right…” I laugh at my statement, knowing what her response will be.
“Aren’t I always?”
“Most of the time” I tease, twirling her around again before she can murmur a smart-ass comment. Suddenly, the lights in the ballroom go dim, enhancing the glow of the Christmas tress that line the floor.
“I guess they’re setting the mood” Madeline giggles.
“Oh, yeah? What kind of mood?” She looks into my eyes.
“A romantic one?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I give her a smile.
“It’s been a while since we’ve had a kid free night” she thinks aloud. It’s been a long time since we’ve been kid free. We take our kids everywhere we go, not even letting our parents keep them alone. You could say we’re a little overprotective. However, tonight, my mother and Chloe finally convinced us to let them keep the twins while we partied and got some “alone” time. My mother even slipped in a comment about adding another one to the bunch. I shake my head.
“What are you thinking about?” She asks.
“My mother…did you catch the comment she made before we left?”
“Ha! About adding another one to the bunch?”
“Yeah, is she crazy or what?”
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind adding another…when the twins are five.”
“Really, now?” I’m surprised at her answer.
“Yeah, why not? Remember what Nonno used to say?” My grandfather passed away a year ago, and it still pains me to talk about him sometimes. However, tonight, I can only smile when I think of him.
“He used to say a lot of things.” Madeline laughs.
“That’s for sure.”
After we’ve had a few dances and dinner, Gus invites me out to the spacious balcony so that he can have a toke of his favorite medicine.
“So, how have you been doing?” I ask as he blows a cloud of smoke into the cold air.
“You know…coming down from everything.”
“Have you at least considered talking to your dad.” Gus’ face grows grim.
“No. Not for the time being.”
“Will you ever forgive him?”
“I forgive him, and I forgive my mother. I just don’t need them in my life.”
“I can respect that.” He hands me his blunt.
“Why don’t you take a toke? Loosen up a bit.” I laugh but take him up on his offer. As I inhale, I cough violently.
“Damn, Man! What kind of stuff is this?!”
“Alejandro gave it to me.” I hand the blunt back to him, already feeling lightheaded.
“Well, let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t drive” I chuckle.
“You know, I’ve been through hell and back these past few months, but I think I’ve realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“I wouldn’t be the man today if my father hadn’t abandoned me and my mother hadn’t beat the shit out of me.” I raise my eyebrows, not expecting to hear that.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, think about it. I worked my ass off in school to get into Harvard because I wanted to get away from her. I became my own businessman, so that I could prove to her that I didn’t need the ‘family business’ to be successful. My drive to be better than she ever expected me to be is what fueled me.”
“But have you really come to terms with everything now, Gus?” He looks over at me.
“I have. For the first time in my life, I have.”
“Well, that’s all you need to move on, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” He stifles out the blunt. I guess he’s saving some of that strong stuff for later.
Later that night, the party is in full swing and everyone is drinking, dancing and eating to their heart’s content. Emily grabs my hand.
“Can we have a dance?” she asks, innocently. I look over at Madeline.
“Just keep your hands where I can see them…” she teases.
Emily pulls me onto the dance floor.
“So, what’s on your mind?” I ask her as we dance.
“Why does something have to be on my mind?”
“You wouldn’t ask me to dance otherwise. Not when you have that one over there to sweep you off your feet all night.” I point to Gus. She laughs.
“I just wanted to thank you for hanging in there with us. I know we have taken you on a roller coaster at times.”
“That’s the understatement of the evening.”
“You know, I’ve admired your friendship with Gus since that night thirteen years ago. You didn’t even question me, you just knew you had to save him.”
“The man is practically my brother. I’d do anything for him, you know that.”
“And I love you for that. When I couldn’t do it by myself…you helped. That means the world to me.”
“I’ll always be here…for you, him and Maria. You’re my family.” Tears well up in her eyes and she hugs me tightly.
“I love you, Vince.”
“I love you too, Kid.” She kisses me on the cheek and signals for Madeline to take her place.
After the party, Madeline and I retreat to our hotel room upstairs. She holds my hand silently as we take the elevator to the penthouse.
“We really didn’t have to get a penthouse for one night…” she says.
“Of course we did.” I lead her to the room which boasts everything we could ever ask for. A bucket with champagne sits on the table just like I requested. Madeline laughs.
“Haven’t we had enough?”
“One more glass won’t do any harm.” I find the remote that controls the sound system and turn on some music.
“I guess it is kinda nice…” She walks around the room, gazing at the view of the city from the wide windows.
“You’re hard to impress.” I laugh and pour us both a glass of champagne, bringing the glass to her. She takes a sip, humming in appreciation at the taste before putting the glass down.
“Oh, kiss me…” She commands softly, and I oblige her willingly, picking her up in my arms.
“Be careful, this gown’s expensive…” She whispers as I carry her to the bedroom.
As I make love to my wife, I find myself holding her tightly, wanting her to know that I’m not going anywhere, that I was in this for life: for better or for worse.
The next evening, it’s Christmas Eve and my family takes turns reading pages from The Night Before Christmas to the twins as they sit on the floor of our living room. From the corner of my eye, I can see my parents smiling as I read my part. I guess they never thought I’d ever get to this place, but I think I did a pretty good job of proving them wrong.
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night…” we finish in unison as the twins clap their hands for our reading. I look around at my family, thankful that we’re able to share this moment together. I kiss my mother on the cheek and put my arm around my dad.
“Thank you, guys, for being the family you are…” I look at all of them.
“Forever and always…” Madeline whispers with a smile.
“Mommy, Daddy! Mommy, Daddy!” Maria jumps on our bed, startling both of us awake. It must be morning.
“We’re up! We’re up, mija!” I laugh at my daughter’s marked enthusiasm. We both put on our robes and head to the living room, where we had Thomas play “Santa” the night before. Maria squeals at the presents surrounding her.
“Well, open them!” I egg her on as she rips apart the packages revealing clothes, toys and everything in between.
Emily brings me a cup of coffee as I watch Maria play with her various toys.
“Thanks, mi amor.” I smile at her as she sits beside me on the couch.
“I think you went overboard this year…” she muses at the piles of presents.
“Nah. This is everything she asked for.” Emily scoffs.
“She’ll never play with all this stuff the whole year.”
“But she’ll have it.” Emily sets down her cup of coffee.
“Papi, Maria knows you love her regardless of how many gifts you give her.” In theory, she was right. As a child, I never had a real Christmas. In fact, the first time I had a real Christmas is when Vince dragged me to spend Christmas break with his family. To this day, I don’t know how his parents were able to scramble together so many gifts for me. I was shocked as hell Christmas day when I saw all of the gifts with my name on them. I always wanted my child to have it better than I ever did.
“I know. I just always want her to have a good Christmas.” Emily strokes my hair.
“Well, you’re doing a good job so far.” I smile at her.
“That means a lot to me. Thank you.” I kiss her lightly.
Later that afternoon, Alejandro and Inez join us for Christmas dinner. This was definitely a change of pace since we always spent holidays with Emily’s family. I was excited about spending Christmas with my brother.
Inez comes in with tons of boxes and bags of Christmas presents and a huge grin.
“Well! Santa has come again!” I observe the large boxes and bags.
“For all of you!” She says heading towards our Christmas tree to set them down.
After we’ve all exchanged Christmas gifts, the ladies call us to the dining room for Christmas dinner. We all talk and laugh as if we had been spending Christmas together this whole time. It felt good to be reconnected with the brother I missed and with the family I loved. Maybe this is what I needed all along: to have him here in my life again, to have some line to the one positive thing I had in the past. After this, I no longer felt like the emotional mess I had been for over thirty years. I knew I would still need therapy and healing, but for now, I was in a good place. This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.
